Dear Pre-Postpartum Self...

I miss you. 

For years, I never appreciated you. Yes, it's true, we had our ups and downs. Mainly issues with PCOS and all of the wonderful things that come with it {like bouts of depression}. But you and me? We did alright. 

Now? Well, this new postpartum body is waging a war against us. Not a battle, a full on war. 

It started with some major postpartum pain in a place that no one should ever have to feel {that much} pain months after they've given birth. Then, the dry scalp set in and our face-wash quit working. Apparently, we've developed psoriasis all over our body. On our face, back, head and well dammit it's just everywhere. And it itches! 

Let's do a little math shall we?

postpartum body issues + the typical stresses of life = a postpartum depressed me

Honestly? Not being able to look into the mirror at myself and feel good is the leading cause of this new realization. It's not the weight, not this time. It's really the psoriasis that's been the final straw. Oh, and the doctors? Yeah, they're not doing much to make me feel any better. 

I've never been one to turn to medication to treat depression. In the past, I've stared depression in the face and beat it on my own. This is something I'm proud of and always will be. But this time around I just cannot pull myself out of depression alone. That's why last week, I went to the doctor for some help. The medication he prescribed me? Yeah, it was going to cost me $50 a month! That sure as hell isn't in our current budget. So now, we've got a new prescription {which costs a decent amount} sitting on our bedside table. 

I'm sorry I never appreciated you, pre-postpartum body.

Hopefully I'll see some semblance of you again soon!

Hugs & Kisses,

Postpartum Self

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