Letters to Lilly: Mother's Day 2017

It has been nine months since the Spirit moved in my soul and burdened me with the knowledge of you. It is a morning I will not soon forget. A closeness with our Heavenly Father like I've never experienced. And there in the midst of the morning commute with your brother, He spoke almost audibly: you have a child in China, go and get her.

And so sweet girl, since that day we started a story of surrender to this calling.

This Mother's Day morning, I thought I'd get that story down in writing for you and for me and for our family to remember the faithfulness of our God. Because, baby girl, He has already shown his sovereignty over our story in this short time and I think it deserves to be noted.

Any story of surrender begins with fervent prayer. I hope you'll come to know that same process one day. Before obedience comes time on your knees communing with your Father. And so we prayed. And your dad and I talked. Alot. About this burden God gave me. Over time, as I prayed, and I rallied a few dear prayer warriors I saw your dad's heart soften and he came to this conclusion: if you believe this is the calling for our family then I'm all in.

Do not think this was a quick "all in" process. Five months of prayer. Five months of asking God if I heard Him right. Five months of saying "God we think we heard you, but here on earth it doesn't make sense." And it didn't. But when your dad told me he was all in then we couldn't say no to God. All we could do was surrender.

Here's what surrender looked like: Telling the God of the universe that we would come for you. That we would do on the earthly level what was needed of us. But we're not fools. We handed over the earthly impossible and told God He'd have to work out the impossible in the heavenly realm.

Here's one thing you will learn about God, Lilly: nothing is impossible with Him if it is within His desire and will for you.

Tears are flowing now because I need that truth in this process of obedience and seeking you, sweet girl. Last night, for the first time in this process, I doubted God. I faltered for a second and so I need that reminder as much as I pray you'll one day learn it.

I overlooked a qualification for parents in the adoption application. I missed it completely. Yet another earthly requirement placed by the Chinese government that your dad and I don't meet right now. And I was devastated.

As I sat on the couch sobbing at this realization, I saw your dad out of the corner of my eye scrolling his phone. A few minutes later he spoke up telling me all the ways we could make this happen and then all the ways He knew God could make it happen if we really heard this calling correctly. And he was right.

God's past faithfulness equips us to trust Him in future providence. 

We had no clarity on this calling. But in five months God pressed on our hearts and softened our steps with surrender through discernment and revelation.

We had no home with space - no place to bring you into. But in three months after we told God we're all in, He provided a home with space. 

We had no excess finances to begin saving for initial adoption fees. But in four months after we told God we're all in, He provided additional finances allowing us to save.

We had no hope when we learned our net worth had to be a certain amount. And so now, we look to God's past faithfulness and trust He will work this out for our good and His glory just as He has already done the impossible in just nine months. 

So on this first Mother's Day knowing I have a child half way across the world I hit my knees and trust God is working in our story. Lilly, you are loved. You are prayed for. And we are coming for you in God's perfect timing. Just hang in there.